Sunday, March 27, 2011

remembering and forgetting.

"hike up your skirt a little more / show me the world "

There is this one thing about her , that i am going to miss all my life. She had the most annoying habbit of always leaving the toilet seat up. She would look at me , when we did our regular movie nights with popcorn , and ask , that what was all the big deal about the toilet seat anyway ? and i would tell her , its not so cold when you sit on the pot in the morning. her logic was, there is nothing like a cold pot turned warm by your bottom to really usher in that magical process of excretion .

she was vivid that ways. infact i remember she had several stories regarding excretion , potties and you know body processes in general.

but this was not the thing i was talking about - that is when i said i'll remember her all my life . she always slept with her legs widely uncrossed and a weird habbit of running her hand between her breasts and then smelling her hand to differentiate between the strength of the deodrant she used. she used to tell me , that she could bear everything , except her breasts smelling bad. there was something violating about her obsession with her own breasts - she did not note their droopiness, or their rather ample size , but always marvelled at the sheer joy of being given breasts.

she was quirky that ways. her body towel was always white and her head towel was always pink - i never asked her , why the particular colours.
when she had too much work , she used to rip off the bedsheet from her bed , and sleep on the matress. when she was very upset, she cooked , or she cleaned. she never cleaned the inside of her cupboard, she only removed the number of things in her view and hid them in her bed bunk. she always twitched her toes when she saw something really romantic, she always listened to breaking benjamin when she was upset. she had a problem with dreams - they always featured unescapable situations ,and ended rather nightmarishly.
she always judged people by their noses - if they had a pretty nose, pretty as in straight , or cute, or perky , like her upturned nose, she liked them. there was something ugly about people with ugly noses . she always asked for extra sugar with her coffee, she hated walking to college alone and would hang around till someone would walk with her. she liked to sleep late, and then not sleep the next day at all, her mind was always filled with things she thought she should note down, she hated phone conversations , till they became necessary. she was a people pleaser, in a way, but it was so difficult for her to come through for anyone.

she had this innate capability to be everyone's agony aunt ,and she could strike a conversation with anyone. she always read out to me what she wrote, she craved appreciation , or she just liked the sound of her own voice. she hated when friends moved on to different life levels , but she never cared enough to do something about it.
she loved those backpack type bags, and never wanted to carry a different one , once she found one. she liked to put her hair in a little bun on top of her head ,and there was nothing like no bath weekends.

she had the hugest thing for josh lucas - and refused to believe it was him in any other movie apart from sweet home alabama - she thought most girls were beautiful , and most men not so great. she was always playing out things in her head, and hence real life never made her that happy. letters, emails, even texts had more of an effect on her, but words, somehow , there was no one with the right words for her.

i will always remember one thing about her though - she could make me laugh just as much as she could make me cry. she could drive anyone crazy , and she was always looking out for more books to read, more music to hear and more movies to watch . she was pseudo that ways, and she knew it. she didnt think there was nything wrong with it. she knew there were people who did;nt like her - the reasons perplexed her just as much as the reasons behind the people who liked her.
i will miss her - she was always trying to change, and i think , everytime she tried, she changed a little. there is no way to stop her from changing. she wont stop , not for me , not for herself.

i love her - and i loved her - and i dont think , i will love her in the future.
but there is one thing that i will always remember - she showed me a different world every day i was with her, even when she was predictable, she knew there was something different about her routine return to things . she could forgive, she couldnt forget. she crushed me, so many times, yet i am sure, i never hated her for it.
and that;s all that matters - that even though ,today, i have no love for her, there is no hate.

2 Comments:

Sanjukta said...

Is this a post about an imaginary person? Or someone in your life?

I think I would love to meet someone like this..sounds like a mystery lady!

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

it is about someone i know -
she keeps disappearing on me , but somehow always finds back her way into my life with some instance of excessively crude toilet humour :)