Wednesday, October 6, 2010

are you sexy when you have sex ?

iv been thinking a lot about it - i mean , apart from the usual things you think about sex , not to include random horniness and/or sex jokes - i have been thinking a lot about the uncomfortableness of sex .

as is very clear from everything iv ever put here (randomly enough , this was probably my best read blog , before i decided i was over everything i used to put up here - turns out im not !) i am no expert - and am still "pure" nad literally "virginal" ,existing in a realm of dearth of better experience .

i came up with some of the funniest (and most probable) things that i (or nyone as inexperienced as me , cultured wholly by music, literature , peer pressure and ofcourse movies ) might just say , while having sex , before having sex , after having sex - and/or about sex in general .

1.) girl to the guy (once all but penetration is left) : do you know and are you sure where you're supposed to go in ? we can google it on my phone if you want to .

2.) dont touch my ass - its newly waxed and it hurts

3.) i dont think im in the mood for chocolate (mentally going on like , im sure , its going to ruin the flavour for me , for the rest of my life.)

4.) before we do it , could you tell me a little bout the way your parents sex life is - just to be sure , that you know you havnt inherited aids from them .

5.) the sheets on your bed smell weird - im not having sex with you where you regularly abuse yourself .

6.) wait !! i need to call up my friend and ask her exactly which pill i need to not get knocked up .

7.) ouch - that hurt , and not in a good way. fucking son of a bitch - i knew i shouldnt have trusted that you knew what you were doing.

8.) is this all that you have ?

9.) do you think you're gonna be good ? because , id rather you were good - no , no , you're experiments in the bathroom dont count , i need to know that you're good , for boy , my friend told me its going to hurt a lot .

10.) are there any cameras here ?? no . ok (mentally telling herself to not show her face at all , from ny angle , devising a weird sex game where she hides her face completely by some sort of mask . also she is glad she has no proper identifiable birth marks and no tattoos that she could be recognized ever .)

11.) i want you to take a proper bath before you get all macho on me - iv heard weird rumours about guys and their unhygenic lifestyle.

12.) iv seen movies where they tear the girl's clothes in a fit of passioned frenzy - whatever i wear is expensive and branded , so you'd rather not get involved in those said frenzies .

13.) do you have any sort of VD ?

14.) 'no smoking after the sex . and no do overs - so get your act together for the act. do you want to learn some calming yoga i once saw on youtube ?

15.) this is a weird mole. are you sure its not cancerous ? because i wouldnt want to get involved with a dying man.

16.) are you sure , that your roommate/parents are out ? i wouldnt want to be walked in on

17.) this is a contract that you must sign promising that my identity will remain only as a woman with a huge rack or watever you wish to call me. i do not want to be known as someone you had sex with. i have a friend who is lawyer and she said this is contestable in the court.

18.) AFTER A COUPLE OF ROUNDS OF SEX: hey , can you make out from the general act of things that im not a virgin ? because you know hymen tears are common in most girls -- no you cant ? wat the fuck !! why so much empahsis on this virginity thing then ?

19.) no hickeys around any visible areas ok ? and dont tel me you just went with the flow.

20.) do you promise to not talk to my breasts after we've had sex ?? and remember that i have a face ?


i have one million more - but i think , this should do for today :|

12 Comments:

hobo said...

oh jeez!!!!!!!
this was super cool!
it does re iterate a lot of what people (yeah.ok.fine.me!) think about!
but dude you penned it all down!
*salutes you and bows down*
this was funny! like reallY! i should be reading more of your stuff (apologies)
i love you!
gimme more tutorials. i want!

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

its a result of what iv been reading lately !!

love you raksha :))
and yes you should read more of my blog .

p.s. i mighty loves you too :)))

Dhrishni Dhriti Thakuria said...

YUMMY YUMMY. . . .. !!!

saumya said...

this is brilliant!!!n im sure these r the thoughts tht go thru a girls mind at such times...devika misra r u sure u havnt been in near-sex situations,eh?

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

@drish : chumma !!
@saumya : girl ! pinch the wound wont u ?

Bejin Hakumei said...

This is.. sad (but true).

Console yourself.
XD

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

boo hoo hoo hooo
arii behena hamra ka hobe ??

Furkan Khan said...

:/
"cultural shock"
"a stroke"
" oh my god"
ok....so as written above, i am not this kinda person to even give my wild fantasies the least bit of space to breath, let alone pen them down.....but well, it was good.....i enjoyed reading it.....and yes, you do have a very good 'imaginative' sex talks...:P

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

lol !!
dont tell me you havnt thought of it at all ?
have u never wondered about the random shit i just poured out ??

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

:)

Shaifa said...

haha..super cool! cant wait to read your other stuff! you go girl!!:D

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

thnx shaifaaaaaa a:::::::::::::::::::))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))