Wednesday, October 20, 2010

when in LSR

1.) you will be judged if you wear pyjamas to college everyday - of belonging to the hostel .

2.) you will judge the NSO girls of not have taken a bath in the morning.

3.) you will judge the surity of caffeine in keeping you awake in mrs puri's lectures

4.) you will seriously contemplate why all the teachers have made such a huge deal about the library.

5.) you will be nonplussed by the actual time the cafe dosa takes to cook - due to the varying times of its delivery at different times of the day.

6.) you will question your sexual orientation whenever you happen to see the dance soc girls at their stuff in the gazeboes/gazebos

7.) you are totally wondering where do all the teachers who smoke , smoke in the college premises ?

8.) you are mentally trying to calculate the profit the cafe wallahs and the nescafe people make by giving you toffees instead of change

9.) you can no longer identify who has how much money , for everybody believes in the power of sarojini and fake brands .

10.) you will consider letting the blackberry people know - that its not bb boys buy bb girls , on the sheer number of bb users in lady shri ram college

11.) you will always be confused whether you are a feminist or not , and what feminism really is.

12.) you will forever try to decipher WHO attends the assemblies !

13.) you are confused about the common room , and will always ask kaun sa wala , when called to the common room.

14.) you are totally questioning the size of the tute block whenever u have a class there

15.) you wonder why do people dress up to college , till you decide that you would rather sleep instead.

16.) you have no clue when half the things in college happen , and are living in happy denial of the number of hours uv completed in NSO , NSS AND NCC.

17.) october break is not an adequate holiday !

18.) you will realise you study much more than most colleges because youre college is weird.

19.) you will see the weirdest make up - and totally be in love with it.

20.) you do realise that there is a rangoli society which is probably the best society of your college

to be cont......

Monday, October 11, 2010

ten awkward (and most common) places to make out :|

now we all know that this is banal issue to discuss - so much of our expectation have been bullied into being wat they are because of movies and books - hardly anything is original except when the makeout is particularly bad - here are ten random things you (or weirdos like me) might just end up saying during a particularly bad make out .
(* i think i prepare for the worse , so the slightest performance may impress me - did i did or not tell you that romance is dead ? oh wait - that is something for me "serious" blogs :P)

1.) makeout during a movie : oh fuck ! did i really miss that last five minutes of the movie ?
caution : what with ticket prices increasing day by day i say makeout during a movie is a bad bad idea !!! although you cna have your little sexual (if u are allowed to call a makeout sexual) fun and not risk discovery by the rest of the world - still , it is not worth missing a 300 rupee worth movie. even if you are not the one who paid for it.

2.) makeout in an elevator : i think i am gonna throw up - huh ? i am claustrophobic you fool !!
caution : seriously , why do you even want to make out in an elevator ?? i mean - EW . romantic or not (which in itself is debatable) weird people's body order , health violations and cheap dim lighting and the fear of anyone walking in on you - i mean , think about it , an aunty with her sexless husband walks in on you - think about it !

3.) make out in the parking lot : now this is safe right ? you cna be live porn for some poor driver trying to jerk off !

4.) make out in the trial room of some shop : those attendants really cant work with "erect phalluses" now can they ? - also , other people come and spray the room with tiny particles of dead skin , body order and ofcourse , think of sumone having tried an underwear their - i mean cmon , really ?

5.) make out in a wedding : yea thats all you need to do - to inspire some match making yuppie feel excited that her work for the particular setting is not over yet .

6.) make out in your parents bedroom : for that is exactly (i mean , once u have a bed how dumb are u to not actually perform the actual act ?) how you were created. infact i am sure , ew - the violent images from this very disturbing act prohibit me to write anything further .

7.) making out in a friend's apartment : seen "A Single White Female ?" - no, then trust me , you do not want to rub your active sexual life in someones face who is not getting any.
p.s. also very apt for some horny guys to jerk off.
p.p.s. and , also , you can let things go here - and imagine how mad your friend would be if u did end up using the last condom .

8.) in your / or your boyfriend's car : bad choice - its uncomfortable , its desperate and ofcourse you can be caught by the police too (i know someone who has :|)

9.) making out in the fire escape : you might accidentally shut the door , i know a friend who did :P

10.) a vegetarian to a non vegetarian : now did you rinse your mouth properly ?? you know i do not like specs of digested meat in my mouth .

p.s are you wondering now wether to make out at all or not now ?? trust me , i know , for i am
p.p.s you are allowed to indulge if you are really horny/or passionate as the prudes call it - but do not make a habbit of it .

note to reader : i am working now on a much harder list - where can one safely make out ?


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

are you sexy when you have sex ?

iv been thinking a lot about it - i mean , apart from the usual things you think about sex , not to include random horniness and/or sex jokes - i have been thinking a lot about the uncomfortableness of sex .

as is very clear from everything iv ever put here (randomly enough , this was probably my best read blog , before i decided i was over everything i used to put up here - turns out im not !) i am no expert - and am still "pure" nad literally "virginal" ,existing in a realm of dearth of better experience .

i came up with some of the funniest (and most probable) things that i (or nyone as inexperienced as me , cultured wholly by music, literature , peer pressure and ofcourse movies ) might just say , while having sex , before having sex , after having sex - and/or about sex in general .

1.) girl to the guy (once all but penetration is left) : do you know and are you sure where you're supposed to go in ? we can google it on my phone if you want to .

2.) dont touch my ass - its newly waxed and it hurts

3.) i dont think im in the mood for chocolate (mentally going on like , im sure , its going to ruin the flavour for me , for the rest of my life.)

4.) before we do it , could you tell me a little bout the way your parents sex life is - just to be sure , that you know you havnt inherited aids from them .

5.) the sheets on your bed smell weird - im not having sex with you where you regularly abuse yourself .

6.) wait !! i need to call up my friend and ask her exactly which pill i need to not get knocked up .

7.) ouch - that hurt , and not in a good way. fucking son of a bitch - i knew i shouldnt have trusted that you knew what you were doing.

8.) is this all that you have ?

9.) do you think you're gonna be good ? because , id rather you were good - no , no , you're experiments in the bathroom dont count , i need to know that you're good , for boy , my friend told me its going to hurt a lot .

10.) are there any cameras here ?? no . ok (mentally telling herself to not show her face at all , from ny angle , devising a weird sex game where she hides her face completely by some sort of mask . also she is glad she has no proper identifiable birth marks and no tattoos that she could be recognized ever .)

11.) i want you to take a proper bath before you get all macho on me - iv heard weird rumours about guys and their unhygenic lifestyle.

12.) iv seen movies where they tear the girl's clothes in a fit of passioned frenzy - whatever i wear is expensive and branded , so you'd rather not get involved in those said frenzies .

13.) do you have any sort of VD ?

14.) 'no smoking after the sex . and no do overs - so get your act together for the act. do you want to learn some calming yoga i once saw on youtube ?

15.) this is a weird mole. are you sure its not cancerous ? because i wouldnt want to get involved with a dying man.

16.) are you sure , that your roommate/parents are out ? i wouldnt want to be walked in on

17.) this is a contract that you must sign promising that my identity will remain only as a woman with a huge rack or watever you wish to call me. i do not want to be known as someone you had sex with. i have a friend who is lawyer and she said this is contestable in the court.

18.) AFTER A COUPLE OF ROUNDS OF SEX: hey , can you make out from the general act of things that im not a virgin ? because you know hymen tears are common in most girls -- no you cant ? wat the fuck !! why so much empahsis on this virginity thing then ?

19.) no hickeys around any visible areas ok ? and dont tel me you just went with the flow.

20.) do you promise to not talk to my breasts after we've had sex ?? and remember that i have a face ?

i have one million more - but i think , this should do for today :|